Thursday, March 11, 2010
a colapse of the heart and mind
I stood up for myself yesterday and it felt EMPOWERING!
Back two steps: For awhile now my fiance has taken to calling me names. Now, I know a lot of it is in a joking manner and he does not mean anything by it, but after so long it wears on a girl. So whenever I would bring up to him that I don't like him calling me by these names he would not take me seriously. I finally realized that this is verbal abuse. I know he loves me more than anything but to call the woman you are about to marry names like ho, cooze, idiot, etc. is not appropriate.
So Tuesday night was really bad, he was mad at me for setting up my new cell phone. long story, I was just trying to help. He made it seem like I was incapable of doing that and I was an idiot. This was the first night in our 6 year relationship that I have gone to bed angry and did not say good night!
Wednesday morning there was no communication between us. As soon as I got to school I got online and figured out a way to combat this before it gets out of hand and before the "i do's." I wrote him and email that said I am DONE with the name calling. I am a smart, talented and educated woman and did not deserve to be called names. I am his princess, love, companion and future wife and should be talked to as such. I said if he calls me by names I will ignore him and walk out of the room until he is ready to talk to me like an adult and treat me with respect. I got a good response back and we talked about it last night so the beast has been tamed.
I know you are probably thinking, why are you still with him?? Well, this has just started as of late. I am not sure if it is because he is nervous because of the upcoming wedding or if his friends are giving him shit for us getting married and him being tied down? We are going to work through this together and move on. :)
Thus gives me reason number five for staying on my anxiety medicine.
Carissa
Back two steps: For awhile now my fiance has taken to calling me names. Now, I know a lot of it is in a joking manner and he does not mean anything by it, but after so long it wears on a girl. So whenever I would bring up to him that I don't like him calling me by these names he would not take me seriously. I finally realized that this is verbal abuse. I know he loves me more than anything but to call the woman you are about to marry names like ho, cooze, idiot, etc. is not appropriate.
So Tuesday night was really bad, he was mad at me for setting up my new cell phone. long story, I was just trying to help. He made it seem like I was incapable of doing that and I was an idiot. This was the first night in our 6 year relationship that I have gone to bed angry and did not say good night!
Wednesday morning there was no communication between us. As soon as I got to school I got online and figured out a way to combat this before it gets out of hand and before the "i do's." I wrote him and email that said I am DONE with the name calling. I am a smart, talented and educated woman and did not deserve to be called names. I am his princess, love, companion and future wife and should be talked to as such. I said if he calls me by names I will ignore him and walk out of the room until he is ready to talk to me like an adult and treat me with respect. I got a good response back and we talked about it last night so the beast has been tamed.
I know you are probably thinking, why are you still with him?? Well, this has just started as of late. I am not sure if it is because he is nervous because of the upcoming wedding or if his friends are giving him shit for us getting married and him being tied down? We are going to work through this together and move on. :)
Thus gives me reason number five for staying on my anxiety medicine.
Carissa
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
uh oh, a break is in sight.
So I have been doing really good emotionally as far as losing my job, planning a wedding, etc.
I am pretty sure I am at my breaking point.
Yesterday our family dog of 12 years was put down (he had been living my aunt and uncle since my parents divorce). His name was Jake, a lab/chow mix we adopted from the pound two days before he was to be put down. He had a good life. If I can figure out how to attach a picture, I will.
Also, went to the doctor for my check-up. I have been taking anxiety medicine for about a year (Paxil- 20mg.) and because lately I have been irritable he decided to ween me off. I am not sure that this is a good idea (see major stress factors above). I am supposed to call next week to let him know how it is going and I think I am just in need of a change of meds and not being med free at this point.
Wedding planning is going. Our invitations arrived in the mail and what do you know, I put the wrong address for the church. My church has two buildings and I put the wrong building down on the invites! Ahhh!! I am calling the company tonight to see what can be done about this. I havn't really done much else. I am kind of at the point where I am not sure what do do next and how soon to do these things. See list below of what needs to be done, maybe you can help me with a timeline!
To complete before July 10:
Meet with florist to finalize flowers
Figure out centerpiece for reception--have an idea, just need to get on it!
Plan ceremony-music, etc.
I know there is a lot more, but completely drawing a blank.
Gotta go--bell rang, study hall is over and onto writing for this teacher.
love: carissa
I am pretty sure I am at my breaking point.
Yesterday our family dog of 12 years was put down (he had been living my aunt and uncle since my parents divorce). His name was Jake, a lab/chow mix we adopted from the pound two days before he was to be put down. He had a good life. If I can figure out how to attach a picture, I will.
Also, went to the doctor for my check-up. I have been taking anxiety medicine for about a year (Paxil- 20mg.) and because lately I have been irritable he decided to ween me off. I am not sure that this is a good idea (see major stress factors above). I am supposed to call next week to let him know how it is going and I think I am just in need of a change of meds and not being med free at this point.
Wedding planning is going. Our invitations arrived in the mail and what do you know, I put the wrong address for the church. My church has two buildings and I put the wrong building down on the invites! Ahhh!! I am calling the company tonight to see what can be done about this. I havn't really done much else. I am kind of at the point where I am not sure what do do next and how soon to do these things. See list below of what needs to be done, maybe you can help me with a timeline!
To complete before July 10:
Meet with florist to finalize flowers
Figure out centerpiece for reception--have an idea, just need to get on it!
Plan ceremony-music, etc.
I know there is a lot more, but completely drawing a blank.
Gotta go--bell rang, study hall is over and onto writing for this teacher.
love: carissa
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